कुछ मज़ेदार लम्हे…

December 11, 2009

Operating System v/s Airlines

Filed under: English — Yogesh Marwaha @ 13:16
Tags: , , , ,

Different operating systems. Different styles. But what if the quirks and styles of the different operating systems were applied to AIRLINES? What if airlines ran things the way operating systems do? This humorous analogy, applying operating system philosophies as if they were airlines, is a long-standing much-circulated amusing story, and we’d credit the author if we knew who wrote it!

If Operating Systems Ran The Airlines…

UNIX Airways: Everyone brings one piece of the plane along when they come to the airport. They all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece by piece, arguing non-stop about what kind of plane they are supposed to be building.

Air DOS: Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they jump on and let the plane coast until it hits the ground again. Then they push again, jump on again, and so on…

Mac Airlines: All the stewards, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket agents look and act exactly the same. Every time you ask questions about details, you are gently but firmly told that you don’t need to know, don’t want to know, and everything will be done for you without your ever having to know, so just shut up.

Windows Air: The terminal is pretty and colourful, with friendly stewards, easy baggage check and boarding, and a smooth take-off. After about 10 minutes in the air, the plane explodes with no warning whatsoever.

Windows NT Air: Just like Windows Air, but costs more, uses much bigger planes, and takes out all the other aircraft within a 40-mile radius when it explodes.

Windows XP Air: You turn up at the airport,which is under contract to only allow XP Air planes. All the aircraft are identical, brightly coloured and three times as big as they need to be. The signs are huge and all point the same way. Whichever way you go, someone pops up dressed in a cloak and pointed hat insisting you follow him. Your luggage and clothes are taken off you and replaced with an XP Air suit and suitcase identical to everyone around you as this is included in the exorbitant ticket cost. The aircraft will not take off until you have signed a contract. The inflight entertainment promised turns out to be the same Mickey Mouse cartoon repeated over and over again. You have to phone your travel agent before you can have a meal or drink. You are searched regularly throughout the flight. If you go to the toilet twice or more you get charged for a new ticket. No matter what destination you booked you will always end up crash landing at Whistler in Canada.

Linux Air: Disgruntled employees of all the other OS airlines decide to start their own airline. They build the planes, ticket counters, and pave the runways themselves. They charge a small fee to cover the cost of printing the ticket, but you can also download and print the ticket yourself. When you board the plane, you are given a seat, four bolts, a wrench and a copy of the seat-HOWTO.html. Once settled, the fully adjustable seat is very comfortable, the plane leaves and arrives on time without a single problem, the in-flight meal is wonderful. You try to tell customers of the other airlines about the great trip, but all they can say is, “You had to do what with the seat?”

Source: e-mail

November 10, 2009

God and Bill Gates

Filed under: English — Yogesh Marwaha @ 21:36
Tags: , , , ,

“Well, Bill,” said God, “I’m really confused on this one. I’m not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell! After all, you helped society enormously by putting a computer in almost every home in the world and yet you created that ghastly Windows. I’m going to do something I’ve never done before. I’m going to let you decide where you want to go!”

Mr. Gates replied, “Well, thanks, Lord. What’s the difference between the two?”

God said, “You can take a peek at both places briefly if it will help you decide. Shall we look at Hell first?”

“Sure!” said Bill. “Let’s go!” Bill was amazed! He saw a clean, white sandy beach with clear waters. There were thousands of beautiful women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about.

The sun was shining and the temperature was just perfect!

Bill said, “This is great! If this is Hell, I can’t wait to see Heaven!”

To which God replied, “Let’s go!” and off they went. Bill saw puffy white clouds in a beautiful blue sky with angels drifting about playing harps and singing.

It was nice, but surely not as enticing as Hell. Mr. Gates thought for only a brief moment and rendered his decision…

“God, I do believe I would like to go to Hell.”

“As you desire,” said God.

Two weeks later, God decided to check up on the late billionaire to see how things were going. He found Bill shackled to a wall, screaming among the hot flames in a dark cave. He was being burned and tortured by demons.

“How ya doin’, Bill?” asked God. Bill responded with anguish and despair.

“This is awful! This is not what I expected at all! What happened to the beach and the beautiful women playing in the water?”

“Oh, THAT!” said God. “That was the screen saver”

Source

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.