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March 12, 2010

चमत्कारी तोता

Filed under: हिंदी,ਪੰਜਾਬੀ,English — Yogesh Marwaha @ 15:57

एक आदमी ने चिड़ियाघर में ३ भाषाएँ बोलने वाला तोता देखा जो इंग्लिश, हिंदी और पंजाबी बोलता था.

उसने टेस्ट करने के लिए तोते से पूछा: Who are you?

तोता: Parrot.

आदमी: तुम कौन हो?

तोता: मैं तोता हूँ.

आदमी: ਤੂ ਕੌਣ ਹੈ?

तोता: ਤੇਰੀ ਮਾਂ ਦਾ ਖਸਮ. ਸਾਲੇਯਾ ਇਕ ਵਾਰੀ ਚ ਸਮਝ ਨਹੀਂ ਆਉਂਦੀ ਤੋਤਾ ਹਾਂ!

Source: SMS


November 16, 2009


Filed under: English — Yogesh Marwaha @ 21:44
Tags: ,

Two men were digging a ditch on a very hot day. One said to the other, “Why are we down in this hole digging a ditch when our boss is standing up there in the shade of a tree?”

“I don’t know,” responded the other. “I’ll ask him.”

So he climbed out of the hole and went to his boss. “Why are we digging in the hot sun and you’re standing in the shade?”

“Intelligence,” the boss said.

“What do you mean, Intelligence’?”

The boss said, “Well, I’ll show you. I’ll put my hand on this tree and I want you to hit it with your fist as hard as you can.

” The ditch digger took a mighty swing and tried to hit the boss’ hand. The boss removed his hand and the ditch digger hit the tree. The boss said, “That’s intelligence!”

The ditch digger went back to his hole. His friend asked, “What did he say?”

“He said we are down here because of intelligence.”

“What’s intelligence?” said the friend.

The ditch digger put his hand on his face and said, “Take your shovel and hit my hand.”



Filed under: English — Yogesh Marwaha @ 14:25

A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on display.

While he was there, another customer walked in and said to the shopkeeper, “I’ll have a CAD monkey please.”

The shopkeeper nodded, went over to a cage at the side of the shop and took out a monkey. He fitted a collar and leash, handed it to the customer, saying, “That’ll be £5000.”

The customer paid and walked out with his monkey.

Startled, the tourist went over to the shopkeeper and said, “That was a very expensive monkey. Most of them are only few hundred dollars. Why did that one cost so much?”

The Shopkeeper answered, “Ah, that monkey can draw in AutoCAD – very fast, clear layouts, no mistakes, well worth the money.”

The tourist looked at a monkey in another cage. “That one’s even more expensive! £10,000! What does it do?”

“Oh, that one’s a Design monkey; it can design systems, layout projects, mark-up drawings, write specifications, some even calculate. All the really useful stuff,” said the shopkeeper.

The tourist looked around for a little longer and saw a third monkey in a cage of its own. The price tag around its neck read £50,000. He gasped to the shopkeeper, “That one costs more than all the others put together! What on earth does it do?”

The shopkeeper replied, “Well, I haven’t actually seen it do anything, but it says it’s an Engineer.”


November 11, 2009

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Filed under: English — Yogesh Marwaha @ 21:11


You have a 1000 poor cows. You put them on a nice campus, & send them one at a time to the US for milking.


You have 10 cows. You make them work so that they give milk of 100 cows.


GE has a cow. You take 49% of the milk.


Intel has a Goat. Samsung has a Camel. Buy milk from both & sell it as Cow’s milk.


You have old stubborn cows. You sell them as pet dogs to innocent small businessmen.


You have a cow. Force the world to buy milk from you. Spend a million dollars to feed poorer cows.


You have a bull. It doesn’t give milk. You hate Microsoft.


You have a cow. You don’t know which side to milk, so you sell tools to help milk cows.


You don’t have a cow You sell milking solutions for cows implemented by milking consultants.


You have a cow. You sell iMilk.


You have a cow. You spend $50 mn to develop the world’s thinnest milk.


Welcome to Citibank. If you have a cow, press 1. If you have a bull, press 2…stay on line if you’d like our customer care to milk it for you.


You don’t know if what you have is a cow. You sell complete milking solutions through authorised resellers only.


You have a donkey. People think you have a 100-year old cow. If someone finds out, that’s his imagination at work.


You don’t yet have a cow. You sell empty cans to people for Rs. 501, because Dhirubhai wanted everyone to have milk.


You have a very old cow. You re-brand it as TATA Indicow.


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